considerations for you (and the children)

Usually the decision to bring an end to a marriage is taken by one of the spouses, the children and the wider family (aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc.) are forced into the situation often without consultation. Most seriously affected will be the children and it is important that the decision to divorce is taken after all other avenues have been pursued to attempt to keep the family unit together. If a divorce is inevitable then it is important for all concerned to do so in a calm and considered way, wherever possible dealing with issues by agreement.

All parties involved in a divorce will experience feelings of loss in addition to the almost inevitable substantial reduction in standard of living. It is important that parents in this situation do all they can to minimise the effect of the divorce on the children. For the husband and wife themselves it is important to deal with the loss and other emotions many of which are very negative. If they cannot cope with the situation themselves then it is important that they seek counselling rather than let the situation remain untreated and possibly get worse.

Children often protect their parents by not sharing their worries with them. Many feel that they are in some way responsible for the break-up of the marriage. It is important that parents in this situation give the children support and do not involve them with the reasons that gave rise to the breakdown of their marriage.

Remember also that in some circumstances the separation of the parties may be what is best for the children as well as the parties themselves.

The views expressed on this page are the collective personal views of us at justdivorce.co.uk and are not presented as “expert” but are given in the light of our personal experiences.