divorce and parenting

Recent research suggests that the real harm done to children through divorce comes from the conflict caused by warring parents, rather than from the split itself. Sam Whittaker, producer of a three-part documentary series on the subject, believes that we are paying far too little attention to the effect that our national divorce epidemic is having on our children. Your children understand a lot more than we give them credit for.  No matter how bad a situation gets or how conflicted circumstances are, there are always things you can do to maintain the wellbeing of your child. 

We have provided a few points of insightful advice to help guide you through the separation and divorce process.

tips for parenting after separation or divorce

• Try to avoid conflict with your ex whether you are separated or divorced. Strive to find peace with your ex.  Moving forward is the most important thing both for you and your child or children.
• If you continue to have negative feelings about your divorce or ex, seek help from family, friends or trusted professionals to work through them in a healthy manner.
• Avoid arguments in front of your children. Be sure that any child is not capable of listening to conversations and phone calls between you and your ex, as contact can potentially turn into conflict. Speak in private or use written communications instead.
• Make it a goal to focus on your child’s best interests. It’s important to establish a working relationship with your ex that can handle the wellbeing of your child. If you’re having difficulty putting your emotions aside, ask yourself how you would handle a similar situation with a colleague. It can also help to try to understand your ex’s perspective.
• Encourage and support the other parent’s role in your child’s life. Speak positively when possible or don’t speak at all to your child about the other parent. Just because your ex-spouse was not a good partner doesn’t mean they cannot be a good parent.
• Don’t judge or criticise your ex in front of your children. Handle disagreements with integrity and use statements such as ‘I have a different opinion’.
• If your ex judges or criticises you, don’t retaliate or try to give your side of the story. Doing so only adds confusion and destroys your own image with the child. 
• Be willing to compromise whenever possible. Children’s arrangements are always subject to change, so be flexible to ensure your child’s best interests are served. Be sure to inform the other parent about events and school functions as well.  
• Manage and control your anger. Instead of reacting to something your ex-spouse has said or done, give yourself time to cool off and address the issue with a level head.
• Change your expectations. Stop trying to control your ex-spouse’s behaviour and focus on the things you can control, which is being the best parent you can.